Age, Attitude and Adorable Children

I thought about doing this post while I was trying to get some rest during the short 20 minutes when both the kids were napping yesterday (technically, although it's still the same day to me)! Audrey fell off of our bed on Tuesday evening, right after Brad had left to play basketball at church. I went to get the kids' clothes out of the dryer and of course she leaned over so far while "sitting up" with assistance from the Boppy that she was able to push herself off of the bed with one kick of her little legs. I obviously should've known better because she loves to kick and kick and kick all day long, but I guess I'm just a bad mommy. I actually wasn't terribly broken up about it because it happened to Samuel the first time when he was eight weeks old, and I knew she was fine since she didn't lose consciousness! All that to say that this afternoon when I was reading to Samuel on our bed, he kept pointing at the floor and saying, "Baby ow," right at the spot where Audrey had fallen. I know that's probably not that remarkable or even cute to most folks, but he has not been very verbal up to this point and he just started talking more in the past few weeks.

We went to Office Depot on Sunday afternoon and I took him with me to CVS with the intention of meeting Brad at Office Depot. Samuel loves to walk and run around, so I thought he'd enjoy it. He runs so fast that he always falls all the time, but he actually cried when he fell in front of Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I felt badly for him, but he was better after a few minutes. Anyway, the entire rest of the way to Office Depot he kept pointing at the ground and touching it lightly and saying what sounded like, "Give me ow." It was just the first time he had ever done that and I thought it was so cute. He also started saying the same thing every time I took him up and down the steps with me while doing the laundry on Monday, in reference to when he fell from the top step all the way down to the basement on his birthday. I was impressed that he remembered something from two months ago - it just seems like a long time ago for someone his age!

That was going to be my entire post, but I've had a lot of emotional turmoil since arriving at work at 6:45 PM. First, my brain is not functioning properly, I'm guessing due to lack of sleep, so that's enough on its own. Then I was talking to some people about how old we all look and two people said I look like I'm 32 or 33. I absolutely do not think that those ages are old in the least, but that was hard to take considering that I'm 27. The people who guessed those ages were shocked to learn my real age. One said it's because of my hair, which I do not understand at all. I was having a hard time dealing with that and when the other night shift people got here around 10:45, I asked one of them who I'd worked with last time I worked night shift here about it and she said, "Oh, you don't look that young (32 or 33) - you look your age now." I nearly burst into tears and told her that I am 27, so what does "look my age mean?" She apparently thought I was very quickly approaching 40. I came in feeling like a young mom and was suddenly approaching menopause within the next four hours!

In our shift report I asked her why in the world she thought I was that old, and she commented that she didn't realize I was so young the first time we worked together (I was 21). I said that I was and that is why it hurt my feelings so badly when one of the other nurses we had worked with commented that I was a know-it-all. This same nurse who told me I look at least 10 years older than I really am then proceeded to tell me that I don't act like I know everything, but I do act like I "know a whole lot." I am still reeling from that comment now and still on the verge of tears. I have struggled my entire adolescent and adult life with people thinking that of me and I truly do not feel like I know much at all! I strive so hard to avoid coming across that way, and yet that is exactly the impression that everyone reports getting of me! It is so incredibly discouraging.

On top of that, one of my patients, whom I've had several times since coming back to the floor, just received a bad prognosis earlier. He's only 2 months old (exactly) and his parents were told that there's not much hope. Please pray for this precious one. I cannot imagine hearing news like that. The family is understandably devastated. I'm praying that the rest of this night is uneventful.